aliens among us

I must be more exhausted than I realized. I thought the EMT that just transported my wife from the mental ward to the Emergency Room just gave me a ration of stuff because he didn’t like my wife’s attitude. “Oh nothing. She just has dementia and is suffering an acute episode of manic delirium. What’s your excuse?” is what I felt like asking him.

But I’ve learned. Be nice to the people who are manhandling your wife from one facility in or to another.

“She has dementia and is suffering from acute paranoia and her blood pressure has suddenly spiked to such a dangerous level that they decided to transport her to ICU by way of the ER.The acute anxiety which causes her to react with such paranoia is a symptom.” is what I actually said.

And I’d do it again.

“Why are these restraints on her arms?” I must be more exhausted than I realized. I thought the RN that came on duty for the night shift on the ICU unit just asked me why my wife is tied to a freaking bed in her hospital on her ICU shift as her patient and responsibility at night after visiting hours when I have to leave her here by herself with no one but these strangers who are NOT family. “She has dementia and is suffering from acute paranoia, and her blood pressure has suddenly spiked to such a dangerous level that they decided to transport her to ICU by way of the ER. If she’s not restrained, she will pull out the IV’s, rip off the monitor leads, pull the nasogastric tube and catheter out and attempt to leave.” is what I said.

And I’d do it again. You know, actually I’m easy. Just make me think you might threaten someone I love with indifference, retribution or incompetence, whether that is actually what is happening or not, and I cave like the house built on sinking sand under a tsunami.

It must be me. I’ve learned a valuable lesson about exhaustion and paranoia.

I’m just too tired to remember what it is.

It’s Two in the morning, and I find myself wandering aimlessly around this house from one empty room to another. My wife is in Deaconess ICU. Restrained.
Tomorrow I have to be able to hold her still and keep her calm enough to endure an MRI and a spinal tap.

Many of you have expressed kind words, and offered up prayer on our behalf.

I can’t think of any way to express just how much I needed to read these comments and email tonight.

Thank you.