aliens among us

subtitle: “raining in my head like a tragedy”

PRIVATE ROOM: $9,996.00 This is the room back in emergency treatment where we had to stay after the interviewer placed an Emergency Order Of Detention on her, due to her being a danger to herself and others. We waited seven hours while they ran blood-work and a UA. Then we had to wait for the privately contracted Ambulance service to get to us.

Hey, at least this time EMSA didn’t get to tack on a charge. Have you heard about the $3.65 being tacked on to yer water bill starting October 1st? Who needs to get a tax bill passed? This is how we do it in OK. If they’re not careful, “Red State” could start to take on a whole old meaning. (grin)

PHARMACY SVCS: $7,533.88 Three injections. Adavan, Benadryl  and Haldol. One Anti-psychotic pill. Blood-work and urine taken for testing.

MEDICAL SURGICAL SUPPLIES: $5.73 Really? That’s all they can charge for the medical equipment? I guess we took em on a ride for that one!

LABORATORY TESTS: $2852.03 To pay for the techs that actually do the blood-work and cultures. Now you know why your mother wants you to be a doctor. Or at least a med tech.

XRAY OR OTHER IMAGING: $491.40 Why not? We have her here? Let’s see if she’s broken anything.

CT SCAN: $1506.96 To get her head examined. Cause you know, when you rant for seven hours about being a prophet of god, at the top of your lungs, you need it.

EMERGENCY ROOM SERVICES: $985.32 Door fee. Hey, somebody has to pay for the losers and illegal aliens that treat ER’s like a health care plan. Cause, they should just go back where they came from. Or die. Losers.

TOTAL CHARGES: $23,371.32 Where the rubber meets the road. Totally wipes out the experimental health care cash she had to carry her through the arbitrary waiting period of 24 months between qualifying for SSD and getting Medicare. Cause, she’s not 60, and she earned too much by working at a career for 17 years, and having two mortgages for herself and her daughter and granddaughter, to qualify for Medicaid. And then had the nerve to go and get Presenile Dementia and Retroperitoneal fibrosis(RF for short), on top of the Hypothyroidism, high blood pressure, and psoriatic arthritis she already had. That PTSD from childhood sexual abuse is just a lame excuse to claim mental illness. What a wuss. Grow a pair and pay yer damn bills.

Still, we can work something out. Pay it out over the next 10 years or so. As long as this doesn’t happen again. And again. And again. And again. Which it will because the RF requires ureteral stents in both urethras. Did you know that at her age, any medical equipment in her urinary system causes urinary tract infection’s to be much more common? And that at her age, with her Dementia, a UTI can bring on a manic psychosis? No biggie tho. We’re having them taken out instead of changed out(because you have to do that every 4-6 months), because we can’t afford the bills for that. So what if she risks renal failure and death? Wuss. Grow a pair.

But It’s only seven more months to Medicare. And as anyone with Medicare knows, that will solve all her problems. Right? Good thing we’ve been preparing for debt. Cause here it comes. Like a train. This is NOT what I expected from the light at the end of the tunnel! OK, actually it is. Hope for the best but prepare for the worse.

If we had been smart, we would have invested in a 401K and mutual funds so she’d have the money to pay for these things. How is yer 401K and Mutual Funds looking these days? I mean, you did the responsible thing and invested in them, right? Oh well. No biggie. You can always get a second mortgage on your house. God ain’t making any more land, so real estate will always increase in value. Right?

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So, how old are your parents, and do they have enough health coverage? Too busy to care? Too financially stretched to the breaking point yourself to? If you didn’t catch it, the title is a vast understatement. I told you there was a tidal wave coming. This is only the financial part. Can you guess what the next part is? What? I gave hints and everything! Don’t you read my posts? (grin)

subtitle: “Movin’ my hips like yea”

Ah, there goes my girl Miley again. You know, when this girl hits eighteen, all you young Christian boys are gonna have to stop fantasizing about marrying her. Let’s see those eyeballs a bouncing! Come on, you can do it! Here’s a lil tune for ya; I’m bouncing my eyes like yea…(grin)

Militant Atheism is on the rise. Militant but compromised religious fanaticism in any form whatsoever, is it’s target. Perceived or otherwise, you are it’s target.

But first you have to move the user base. What better tool than a nice, underage, Christian girl like Miley? Oh come on! It’s just Jay Z and Britney their playing! Oh, and don’t forget to take yer posse o Christian friends with you, cause you won’t get the memo about the stilettos. Just the really short shorts, and the stripper pole is optional. You can say it now. Its definitely not a Nashville party! (grin)

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Seriously, y’all make it way too easy. At least I didn’t put the stripper pole version on here. Not that it’s hard to find. Can you say Hannah Montana? Do you still want to? (grin)

subtitle: please don’t make me stay here anymore?

So I’m bringing the wife home from the Senior Diagnostic Unit, where she’s been stashed for 14 days. Guess my vacation from crazy-town is over. They would have kept her longer and run tests to see if they could narrow down specifically what she needed, but the Insurance wouldn’t approve that. Too expensive.

Oh well. We’ll dope her with medication meant to do one thing but with “beneficial side effects” and hope for the best. She will get “better”. And if she survives, maybe the meds they try next time around will be more effective.

Now they’re saying she has “minimal bipolar symptoms” which when aggravated by any number of things can lead to a psychotic break, preceded by a building manic period. Which leads her to a point where she’s standing in an Emergency Room proclaiming the prophecies of God to one and all within earshot. And unable to stop. Even with shots and pills. Trapped in a loop of psychosis that she convinces herself is real. It must be God, because the alternative is fear.

I give it two or three months before she’s back in. This time, I’m gonna take a digital recorder so I can get the entire seven hour rant recorded. She doesn’t believe me when I tell her why they placed an Emergency Order of Detention on her and told me that I no longer had the right to take her home.

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So, how’s your day going? Ours is just peachy.

subtitle: the problem with not feeing anything is that it doesn’t feel good.

We live for it. We die from lack of it. We call that depression that leads to suicide. Call it whatever you want; goals, quality of life, purpose, vision, discipline, energy, entertainment, pleasure, addiction. It’s all the same thing.

Why do you get up in the morning, get dressed, and go to work, or play? What motivates us? Without balance, it can cause great harm. With balance it can achieve survival, but not necessarily a reason to live.

I’m beginning to understand what my wife is going through. Bipolarism cycles. So does manic depressive. During the slow build into mania, you feel alive again, young again, your brain works better, you can do all the things that everyone was telling you you’d never be able to do again. Be Independent, drive your car yourself, visit friends you haven’t seen in weeks, months, or years. Unless they were taking pity on you during the down part of the cycle. Everyone is amazed!

It seems like a miraculous recovery. In the mind of a very spiritual person, it can become just that. A miracle from God. You are being healed. The evidence is in your actions, your thoughts, your new grasp on a purpose in life. At first it’s just getting involved in the church prison ministry again. Helping, encouraging, engaging.

But then the mania keeps growing. Everyone around you, your family, your friends, they all want to believe. It’s a relief. They shake their heads at their own disbelief and doubt. They enable without realizing that’s what they are doing.

But then the mania keeps growing. Now you are talking about “the miracle” again. You start to speak about the gifts that God is giving you. Right here! Right now! Prophecy starts to spill from your lips. Straight from God to your ears.

You must do His work. Suddenly your husband finds himself in a hospital emergency room hoping there’s room for you in the lockdown psych unit we so euphemistically refer to as a Senior Diagnostic Unit. While you rant the prophecies of God at the top of your voice for seven hours. Nonstop. Until they finish their tests and procedures and paperwork for the Emergency Order of Detention and transfer you to the unit.

It takes 3 days and enough medication to drop an elephant in it’s tracks before the prophecies stop. Suddenly you are afraid, depressed, suicidal. My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?

She knows what we are doing to her. We are allowing doctors to find a balance of medications that will kill the energy and allow her to survive without it. So that she can be stable enough to go home without being a danger to herself or others.

We are taking her God, her vision, her purpose for living away. And she hates us for it.

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I can’t answer her question. Is this despair any better than the buzz? From despair to where?

subtitle: god said it

God told my wife she is going home today. From the locked mental ward, not heaven. I just wanted to be clear on that. Her insurance only allows 10 inpatient psychiatric days at a time, and we’re on day ten, so God may be right this time. He’s told her she was going home every day since day three, when the manic, psychotic, delirium died down enough for her to actually start to get some sleep and stop the nonstop talking to no one twenty-four seven. But she doesn’t remember that.

It will be difficult for me to post again as I’m her full time caregiver. But the way the cycle is speeding up, I expect to have to commit her again in a few weeks. Months if were lucky.

At least something is coming out of this that may be positive. I’m getting use to the person who takes my wife’s place when she goes psychotic. That makes it easier to deal with the stress, panic, depression, anxiety and guilt that I felt in the past when I had to commit her.

So if you don’t get a feed from me for awhile, don’t worry about it. I still exist.

subtitle: i hate you so much i can hardly stand me

Being unable to forgive others because you find yourself unforgivable is the sin of pride. Guilty as charged far too often. Can’t we just play Metallica’s Unforgiven and skip the whole uncomfortable self
analysis. That song rocks! (grin)

Being unable to forgive others because you are obligated to do so because you were forgiven is the sin of arrogance. You were found worthy of forgiveness.

Being unable to forgive others because of the pain they caused you is the sin of shame. We cover it with anger because we were too weak to stop them.

Being unable to forgive others because they have sinned against you is a death warrant.

Mocking, accusing, feeling superior to other sinners is the sin of justification. If you are good enough to throw the first stone, so be it.

Being unable to forgive is a distraction. Anything that distracts you from that still small voice is a plus. For the enemy of your obedience.

If morality doesn’t start with forgiveness, how can it be from your God? As far as the east is from the west? Is it just another one of those cute religious sayings?

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Looking back I clearly see what it is that’s killing me

Is it just me? Or does the price of not forgiving cost far more than it’s worth?

Inspiration for this post goes out to All Toes in the Water.

subtitle: I’m rubber yer glue…

Atheism is being used as a blanket dismissal of even the possibility of the existence of true Christian morality. I don’t see any difference between this fanatical stance, and that of any other faith based dismissal of anything that challenges “your” beliefs.
The very foundation of rational judgment is the belief that anything is possible. To arbitrarily dismiss a possibility is simply another form of religion. You believe or deny it, therefore it must be so. Even the existence of God, Christ, Salvation, and Christian based morality is possible.

Don’t think that I’m letting you sheep off the hook. Your smug dismissal of any doctrine that “obviously” contradicts your branch of the Bride’s “Doctrinal Statements”, and the things you bicker about, whether it be water or Holy Spirit baptism, etc. etc. etc. is more than enough evidence of the “fruits” of your divided labors.

Distraction has become the most successful tool in your enemy’s arsenal. So now you think that if you all get together and believe the same thing your tinkerbell god won’t die? God doesn’t need you. He wants you. But you are so easily tempted away from that still, quiet voice. It’s not what you think. It’s not what you do. It’s not what you hope for. It’s simply not about you. Be still. Or don’t.

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In other words, All you hypocrites seem alike to me. Because, obviously, I’m right, and you’re all, well, just wrong. (grin)

Speaking of hypocrites, I was going to use the video: Terminal Distraction by LYDIA LUNCH(Warning! This video is rated NSFA! as in NotSafeForAliens). While the words were on target, the images would have been distracting. To say the least. Guess that makes me one too.

So sunshine, do you believe I’m right, or completely, offensively, possibly even sacrilegiously wrong?

subtitle: why do bad people allow good things to happen to good people?

My first subsubtitle in quite awhile: “a society that cares for the other”

We often forget that in this modern age of civility and technological progress, the default mode IS godly behavior.

Atheistic morality is really very simple. I want good things to happen to you, especially if I can be a part of that good thing happening to you without sacrificing anything I want, because it makes me feel better about myself. Pagan morality is based on the teachings of whatever pagan faith a pagan follows.

That’s it in a nutshell. And while it’s not a Christian point of view on morality, it is “godly”. What father would give his son a rock is not just a saying, it’s how God built us. And we do fall back on that position, as long as we can afford to, and it makes us feel good about ourselves.

It’s easy to maintain a position of righteousness and moral superiority when no one is challenging your rights to have them.

But what are you going to do when the Rationalist Laws are put into action, and schools, including private ones, are required to teach rational moralism to your kids? Based on no particular faith, so as not to favor one over another. That would be discrimination. I don’t know if you’ve noticed it yet, but there is a movement afoot that challenges faith as the basis of morality.

Most modern fanatical faith based fundamentalist movements make it fairly easy to claim that uncontrolled, unmonitored, unchallenged teaching of religious morality leads to a lack of reasonable judgment.

This creates a valid position to argue for the teaching of non-faith based moralism.  The very definition of faith is believing in what is not seen or proven. Despite any rational evidence to the contrary. Rational moralism would teach that the very act of ignoring rational evidence to the contrary is a fanatical position to take, and one that lacks the use of intelligent and reasonable judgment. In other words, doubt.

I know, there goes jimmy with his wild claims again. Hey, have you noticed what’s happening with the whole health care issue? It’s becoming a moral one. And you guys are finding yourselves on the wrong side of it. Get ready for the Death Panels and Mandatory Abortion Squads! Muah hah hah! (grin)

You think the church is being dismissed now as a bunch of all talk only action when they can afford it bunch of blind sheep following morally questionable leadership now? That just makes you normal. Like the rest of us. Human. Fallible. Imperfect. Just as easily mislead by charismatic conmen, Get Rich Quick schemes and the constant drive to have more stuff, because that’s what we do for ourselves and our family.

That’s the problem. You may see yourselves as special and moral and better than the rest of us, but that doesn’t mean we do.

In fact, we’re getting a little sick of your proclamations from your hilltops. The modern church is very good at raising money and building buildings and performing programs and ministries. Oh, and telling the non-believer that we are going to hell and they aren’t. If we don’t drink the Kool-Aid.

But you should take a second look at the ground you’ve been building on. Just how solid is it? Are you achieving sacrifice through obedience? Do you even consider that a requirement of your faith? And what are you sacrificing? Only what you can easily afford to lose?

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Here’s the story, there’s only me
No other place for you to be

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Bad people allow good things to happen to good people. As long as they feel like that doesn’t enable those same good people to allow bad things to happen to them. As long as it doesn’t cause them to lose material or spiritual ground. As long as they don’t have to sacrifice anything they cherish or desire.

And you are willing to allow bad things to happen to us. You even tell us it’s God’s will.

Yes you do. You tell us we are going to Hell if we don’t believe what you believe. Whether you act like you believe it or not.

Christ founded the church on His act of obedient sacrifice. Without it, you all just look silly.

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Closing question: Which do you consider to be the most important part of the equation: Obedience or Sacrifice?