aliens among us

subtitle: “nothing’s gonna change my world”

On the one hand, I have a hospital bill for $1032.35, we wait on the “this is your final notice!” statement before we call and arrange a monthly payment plan, might as well. On the other hand, I have a check for $150.00 that places me in a moral quandary.

The bill, I know we owe. I know exactly why we owe it, and I’m used to working the system to pay it off as we can, when we can, without letting it hit our credit record. So far so good.

But the check is from someone with a caregiver. And now for the rest of the story. What? I’ve already been compared to Andy Rooney! I might as well shoot for the big guns! (grin)

I keep going back to incidents that happened over 14 years ago, about the time I first moved to OKC. This particular time I was driving on a cold and rainy day, and before anyone leaps there, I wasn’t intoxicated or on any medication. I was just still arrogant enough to believe that I would never be the cause of an accident. Not by doing anything so foolish as to assume that no one would be driving in my blind spot when I decided to make a sudden un-signaled lane change. On the freeway, on an overpass, on a cold and rainy day, with patches of ice on the overpass.

The back, driver’s side corner of my car met the front passenger side bumper of a 3/4 ton truck. The driver of the truck said he didn’t have any time to react, and watched helplessly as my car suddenly swerved across all lanes of traffic to wind up against the railing of the overpass. I was lucky. I got to watch all of this from the passenger seat of my car. Oh, did I mention I wasn’t wearing a seatbelt? I didn’t get a scratch either. The truck got a small scratch in his bumper. My car was totaled. Nobody else was involved.

But as the adrenaline wore off, and I realized I was in the passenger seat with nobody at the wheel of the car, I began to question my judgment. What? You’ve never been there? (grin)

In a few hours, I have to risk offending my wife’s friend, the one who sent us the check. I have to call her caregiver and ask if she is aware that her charge sent us this check.

A few month’s ago, my wife was feeling much better. She was happy, aware, alert, doing our finances again, controlling her own medications, and she got her driver’s license renewed. Those last two happened against medical advice, but heck, she had made so much progress, and you can’t fight progress, right?

This culminated in the incident that occurred three days before we had to re-commit her to the Senior Diagnostic Unit for treatment of manic delirium. We call it the “muddin for God” story. Don’t ask. Let’s just say that I began to once again question my judgment in allowing her to drive. Again. What can I possibly say to excuse this decision? How about hope for a loved one is very addictive and persuasive? Never mind. I guess you have to have been there. Believe me, where I had to go next was worse.

As her caregiver, I had to ask her Psychiatrist to issue a written statement that she was incapable of driving. Ever again. I had to take away her driver’s license and her keys. Again and for the last time. No matter how much “improvement” she may show or experience in the future.

Still, we don’t go out to eat anymore. Can’t afford it. We are allowing her sisters to buy us Angel Food Ministries boxes every month to stretch out our food budget. I’ve PAP’d every non-generic medication she has that I can, and still wince at the amount we have to pay every month for generics and medical service bills that can’t be avoided in serious or emergency health care situations. And the health insurance is gone.

At this point, even $150.00 out of the blue is a lot of spare change. Sometimes acting in a godly manner is a pain.

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This has become one of my favorite versions of this song. I love the emotional and visual contrast. The movie wasn’t that bad either. Gotta give mad props to the Rufus Wainwright cover as well.

Fifty years of personal experience have taught me that the reality I live in is a creation of God. Godly behavior always gets a better result in the long run. Hey, have any of you watched FlashForward? My wife says it’s really good, so I’m going to watch the first seven episodes today. I still trust her taste. It’s her judgment that I have no choice but to start to question. For her own safety, as well as that of others. I hate that. I’d rather nothing change my world.

Wouldn’t you?